From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
