I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
