I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
