Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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