My nipple is on Facebook.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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