Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
