at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
