i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Who died my cat blue again?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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