So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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