just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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