My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
