Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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