my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
