Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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