I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
