I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
