im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
That reminds me...we need to get swords
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
