So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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