DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
