where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my phone needs a breathalizer
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
