my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just found a bag of teeth...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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