you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
