New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
