when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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