Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize