and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just blew my weed a kiss
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
