she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
