i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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