The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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