If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
