I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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