i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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