I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
