The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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