couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
