Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
