i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
third nipple confirmed
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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