even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
