I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
