There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
