That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
