Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
This beer is not sobering me up at all
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
