Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
