I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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