I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
