Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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