my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
