and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
do herpes really smell.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
