I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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