we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
vagina is talking i cant
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
