New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
