Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
