chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
