the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
