As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
