Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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