Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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