you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
