Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
