every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
