I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
