Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
