someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
