We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
