I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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