Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
