Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize