I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
