He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize