are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
