i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
