I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
