i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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