im holly from the hills drunk
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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