My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I skipped work to stalk him.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
