She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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