this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
