I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
