Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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