Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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